Friday, May 20, 2011

What not to say to a pregnant woman...


Alright, well I meant to write this blog A LONG time ago, but things got a little crazy and here we are. Unfortunately, I'm afraid the lapse in time might have erased some of the things that people said to me--but I'll do my best to remember them all. The following are things that people ACTUALLY said to me, maybe not exactly word for word, but the message will be the same. The names will NOT be posted only because I don't want to point out that what was said actually did NOT come across useful, helpful, or uplifting in any way. Occasionally, I followed what they said with what immediately popped into my head at the time (though I refrained from actually saying it out loud).

1. As I turned the corner: "Oh wow, you're starting to look puffy in your face now."
-Yeah, you too (regardless of the truth in that statement)

2. "You like a miserable pregnant woman."

3. "How much longer do you have?" Me: "About 5 weeks." "Oh there's not way, you'll make it that long. You look like you are going to have that baby tomorrow!"
-Oh, did that sign on my butt finally light up saying "It's go time!"

4. Person 1: "How big was he at your last visit?" before I could respond, Person 2: "I know exactly how big he is, look at how big she is."

5. "I can't believe you're still here."
-What?? Was I on the brink of death or something?

6. "How far along are you?" Me: "About 34 weeks." "Oh wow-so you still have a long way to go!"
-Fractions, people. 34 out of 40 weeks does NOT mean you have a long way to go. It actually means you're getting relatively close. UGH!

6. "I don't think that baby can grow any bigger--I mean, where would he go??"
-I don't know, I guess he could move to my.....yeah, I won't finish that one.

7. "How do you keep getting up from the floor every day???"
-Um, the reverse actions that got me onto the floor?

Ok, people. It's NOT okay to point out how large a pregnant woman is. You wouldn't point how how huge a woman was if she wasn't pregnant. So what makes you think it's ok to say it because there's a baby in there?? What if I pointed out days when you were looking a little larger than usual-how would you like that? Don't tell a pregnant woman that she looks like she's going to have the baby any minute, unless you happen to be in the delivery room watching the monitors! Don't tell them that they still have a LONG way to go, once they get past about 28 weeks. That's not what we want to hear-thanks. So that's my rant. I want to finish it off with a few things that some of my kids from work said to me. The following are ok because these kiddos fall under the age of 10.

1. "So how do you change that baby's diaper when he poops in there?" -6 year-old little boy with his head cocked sideways while staring at my belly.

2. "Are you going to have to feed that baby?" Me: "Well, yeah--I will have to feed him" "Oh....with your breasts?" -6 year-old boy who is as tall as me while getting to 2nd base with both hands. In his defense, he was well-educated because his mom had just had a baby.

3. "Hey, why do you think Melanie's belly is so big?" "Because she at too much chocolate cereal."
-7 year-old little boy. Where did chocolate cereal come from????

4. "Your belly is going to get so big!" Me: "How big do you think it's going to get?" "Probably all the way up to the sky." - 4 year-old little girl. Needless to say, by the time I was getting ready to go out on maternity leave, if you asked her how big I wanted my belly to be, she'd respond with "medium-sized"

5. "Why is your baby still in there-I told him to come out last week." -same tall 6 year-old who copped a feel.

6. "So how is that baby going to come out of your belly?" -5 year-old little girl who cracks me up daily. My response: "Ask your mom," followed by a quick change of the subject.

7. "Oh wow, you're belly has gotten VERY big!" Me: "Do you think it has gotten too big?" "Oh yes!" -4 year-old twin sister of one of my little boys.

I know that there were more funny things that the kids said to me! I wish I would have written them down as they said them, because kids do not hold ANYTHING back! Not only did they say hilariously awesome things to me, but I could never count how many sets of hands reached out and groped my belly as I walked through the lobby! Most of the time it wasn't even a set of hands that belonged to one of the kids that I was treating!! But it was pretty awesome being pregnant while working around a bunch of kiddos--partly because of what I shared above, but also because it kept me active enough that I didn't gain a million pounds despite eating anything and everything I wanted! But that's a whole other blog post-lol!